Thursday, October 2, 2008


Welcome to my blog. I don't really believe in long drawn out introductions, and I don't have a manifesto or anything (yet!), but if you stick with me you'll pretty much get a feel of what I'm going for here. OK, onto business...

Fashion's current darling, Christophe Decarnin (ex-Paco Rabanne ca. 1997-2005), showed his Spring/Summer 2009 collection for the house of Balmain on Sunday (28 September) in Paris.

If I could sum up this collection in a few words I'd say it makes me think of what Paris Hilton would wear if she were going to a costume party with a white trash theme. Or any shitty red carpet event in LA. Not exactly a great way to look, but somehow this colleciton is getting more critical acclaim than REAL fashion moments like, say, Yves Saint Laurent's final couture collection, or current-season collections by Jean Paul Gaultier or Riccardo Tisci for Givenchy (we'll get to that later). I guess everyone's vision has been forever impaired by the massive amounts of shoddily glued-on(!) crystals and disgustingly big pointy(!) 80s shoulders on every jacket and dress:

Just what the doctor ordered... A big-shouldered, fully-sequined jacket
straight out of 1988 via a Goodwill near you...
paired with (of course!) trailer-trash acid wash denim skinnies. Wewt!

Bar Mitzvah chic at it's best

Here's what the oh-so-lovely (NOT!) Cathy Horyn had to say about the collection, via her blog on
Balmain was this afternoon. Christophe Decarnin did Sgt. Pepper jackets with peaked shoulders (sort of like Margiela’s) with ripped, acid-washed jeans and sparkly high heels. Dresses made you think of early bondage Versace, mixed with a bit of Alaia.
This "makes you think of early bondage Versace, mixed with a bit of Alaia"??? Ej-q-mi? Is this bitch on crack? The only thing this "collection," if you can even call it that, makes me think of is how much I want to hurl after viewing it (and that was just the photos! Let's not even get into the video of the actual show, with its pathetic Into the Groove/Holiday medley!) And as for Gianni and Azzedine; please, you do NOT want to go there. Those men were geniuses and knew exactly what, how, and when the truly fierce women of the 70s, 80s and 90s wanted to dress, and they all felt damn powerful in their designs. Not like they were headed off to a theme party in the hills.

How much was Ms. Horyn paid to paint this collection up in such a lovely shade of gorgeous? Probably all the food that the models didn't eat backstage. Which is, of course, all of it.

To my dismay, even Suzy Menkes, a woman who I do respect (et tu, Suzy?), praised the glory that is Balmain. Her review, via
The infectious exuberance of Balmain is the card that the designer Christophe Decarnin plays. His sparkling show Sunday of hard chic with Grecian drapes was a take on the 1980s. Madonna was on the soundtrack and jackets had wide molded shoulders.

Although the designer talked backstage about "Desperately Seeking Susan," the show was not so much Madonna in trash glamour from the 1985 film as the glitter and studs of hot couture. From the first outfit of a jacket with military frogging in a glitter gulch of crystals, but worn with torn jeans and more glam slam for the shoes, the Balmain show caught a current fashion beat.

When the jeans weren't shredded, they were given treatments from artistic patches of stone wash to prints of passing clouds or stitch decoration to shape the legs. From boy looks to girly, without reducing the sparkle content, the designer sent out tutu dresses. Their tulle skirts bouncing below crystals at the waist looked fresher than the brief clingy dresses that have been the stock-in-trade of Balmain's youthful revival.
OK, first of all: again, the collection is painted as gorgeous and breathtaking. If someone were to read this in a newspaper or something without photographic examples, they'd be excited...until they actually saw the thing. But that's her job, of course. Plus, I'm sure she was paid off, too.

"...the Balmain show caught a current fashion beat" comes off to me as a sly way of saying "Christophe Decarnin is just taking shit that's already trendy and throwing it together." And how senile is she that she mistakes acid wash for cloud print?!!? Just because it's light blue and white does not mean it's cloud print. Learn the distinction, honey. You were alive and competent in the 80s and should remember the bad fads of yesteryear when you see them.

A few more highlights from this [as quoted via] "ferocious, sexy and unapologetically glamourous", "sophisticated and stylish" and "fierce!"(!!!!!) collection:

Perfectly suited to Paris Hilton...Teen Choice Awards perhaps?

The perfect finishing touch to any Parisian fashion collection...
A completely sophisticated and stylish gown in suede and crystals...

Balmain is infamously the highest-priced ready to wear label on the market right now, with the current collection boasting a 100% cotton crystal-bedazzled t-shirt at $1,200, animal print skinny jeans at $1,500, zipper-detaild leather leggings for $3,300 and viscose-blend, synthetic-lined tuxedo jackets (the "must have" of the season!) for a meager $2,875. The crystal-bedazzled micro-mini-dresses for evening start at a paltry $10,000.

Is this fashion's idea of a joke? If so, I'm not laughing. Well, actually I am. Have you seen the people wearing this?


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